What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool?
Throw in your laundry.
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A Mexican and a nigga are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop!
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My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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Q: What is height of Suicide?
A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
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Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust?
A: The cost.
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Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one.
Break their bones - they have 206.
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First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
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Don't make 9/11 jokes, my dad died at the twin towers.
The best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
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