Joke #6076

What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool? Throw in your laundry.

Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!" Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!" Father: "But you have to start with something!"

Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take bubble baths.

The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.

Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window. After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window. He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his arse facing the window. After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his butt cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"

How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.

Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.

Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan? A: With a dustpan.

I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped. Saved myself a fiver.

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him."