My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies? A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive. Q: Whats worse then that? A: He has to eat his way out. Q: Whats worse then that? A: He goes back for more.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof? A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: "What happened here, man?" "Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said. "Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?" "My dog bit her…" "You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?" "Get in line!"
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway? He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death.
How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!