Joke #5863

My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
Vote: has 76.96 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
Vote: has 84.34 % from 556 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, money, wife
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
Vote: has 54.80 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, morbid
Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window. If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.
Vote: has 78.47 % from 171 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Vote: has 46.53 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, god, lawyer, teacher
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Vote: has 58.56 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral, music
A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made. The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies: "Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins".
Vote: has 82.81 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, food, travel
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart. Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple. The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
Vote: has 79.27 % from 216 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, old people, phone
Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, food
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.
Vote: has 33.28 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
Vote: has 65.24 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish