My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
A single car crash kills a Mexican family. 15 people died.
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common? A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made. The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies: "Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins".
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.
Q: What do you call the ashes of a white person in a jar? A: A jar of mayonnaise.
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.