My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday.
So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
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Similar jokes
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How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give him a helping hand.
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Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force?
He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
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What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The dashboard.
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KFC in Asia?
Korean fried cat.
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Allahu Akbar.
Allahu AK-
BOOM!!!
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Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies?
A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive.
Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He has to eat his way out.
Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He goes back for more.
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Two bums are sitting talking.
The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever!
This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground.
So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever."
The second bum just laughs,
"That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks.
You know what I did?
I fucked her all day long."
The other bum interrupts, "Bull!
You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life."
The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?"
The other replies no.
"How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?"
To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
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A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.
"There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in."
The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds."
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Why are little girls better than little boys?
Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.
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They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history.
At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
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