Joke #5863

My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
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has 66.62 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: black humor

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A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news." The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life." "Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?" The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
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has 76.67 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Are you lost, ma'am? Because Heaven's a long way from here.
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has 27.12 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: black humor, heaven
A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids. A lady went and sat down next to him. She asked, "Are these all your kids?" The man replied, "No, I just work at a condom factory, these are all the complaints".
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has 76.88 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: airplane, black humor, business, kids, sex
I saw a girl crying, so I asked her "Where are your parents?" and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
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has 50.57 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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has 85.03 % from 1908 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, phone
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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has 33.38 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, kids
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
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has 65.38 % from 498 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, light bulb, morbid
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor
How do you stop an Iraqi tank? "Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
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has 64.52 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: black humor, military
A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter" The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?" The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."
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has 36.53 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, doctor, sex