Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong.
He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS!
When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving.
The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?"
The drunk man, "What drugs?"
A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep.
I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any.
Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s.
I tried.
But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen.
The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
Two women were playing golf.
One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of them and he immediately fell to the ground clutching his hands together in his groin, and rolled around in obvious agony.
The woman rushed over and immediately began to apologize "Please allow me to help, I'm a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'll allow me" she told him."
"Oh no I'll be all right, I'll be fine in a few minutes" the man replied, still lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
Following her persistence however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them at his sides, she loosened his trousers and put her hand inside.
She administered tender and skillful massage for several long moments and then asked "How does that feel?"
He replied "It feels fabulous, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
Chuck Norris once ate a whole bucket of sleepng pills and it managed to make him yawn.
Vote:
Q: What sports team is the least safe around children?
A: The Nashville Predators.
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau.
Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line.
Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.
When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"
The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."
The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"
The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.
10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
"Shay, buddy, whats a Breathalyzer?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool.
"Well, Id have to say that its a bag that tells you when youve drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent.
"Ah hell, whaddya know?
Ive been married to one of those for years!"