Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong.
He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS!
When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving.
The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?"
The drunk man, "What drugs?"
A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep.
I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any.
Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s.
I tried.
But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.
Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor.
The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine.
The next day the doctor called and the wife answered.
"I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said.
"I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample".
After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"
"He needs a pair of your underwear".
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing.
The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
Yo Momma's so ugly, she has to get her vibrator drunk!
Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up.
He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt.
As the drunk returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hell happened?"
The drunk is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be pissed off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shitty!"
The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunk fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?"
Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned.
The drunk looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over.
"That's a great idea, the drunk slurs. Thank you."
And the drunk left.
When the drunk walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him.
She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?"
He explained: "I drove a drunk fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned."
The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket.
"But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here."
Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shit in my pants too."
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
Vote: