Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
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Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
The Bible says I'll pay for my sins.
I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time?
A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
A: Abraham. He knew a Lot.
A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch.
Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground?
Emile Heskey replied:
"Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the donkey.
"Your name is written inside the cover."
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy."
Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."