Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
The Bible says I'll pay for my sins. I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Look up "rib" in the dictionary and it says "To vex, irritate or annoy." Look up "rib" in the Bible and it says "Woman." Coincidence?
Whats the difference between usain bolt and hitler? Usain bolt can finish a race...
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda? A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.
A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. "Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?" "The Red Sox." "Why's that?" "Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too." "That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?" "No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"