Joke #11869

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.

Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed." Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."

Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.

Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.

If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up

Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.

If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well, why are you all dressed up like a Fireman?"

You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.

Charlie Sheen can achieve recovery by taking a drug called Chuck Norris.

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"