Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?
A: Drug Abuse.
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Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed?
A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
What do you call a black guy selling drugs?
A pharmacist.
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A man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra.
The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose.
“Why not?” asked the man.
“Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor.
“But I need it really bad,” said the man.
“Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor.
The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.”
The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.”
On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling.
The doctor asked, “What happened to you?”
The man said, “No one showed up.”
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
Charlie Sheen can achieve recovery by taking a drug called Chuck Norris.
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