Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one.
‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’
‘Well,’ says the other.
‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
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Why are baseball players in trouble with the law so often?
They always hit and run.
Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?
A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.
There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year.
In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Using only a black king, Chuck Norris defeated the world-champion grand-master in chess.
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A famous boxer must be operated by appendicitis.
From the operation room the doctor gets out holding himself to the walls with a bruised eye and says:
A can’t do this anymore!
I try to anesthetize him, I count until 9 and he gets up and starts punching me...
What you call a wrecking ball, Chuck Norris calls a punching bag.
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Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!"
Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.
They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16.
The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.
Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.
'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'