One day, Bush was talking with Osama Binladen on the phone, they couldn’t trace from where the call was coming from, but Osama said, "I’ve got good news and bad news."
Bush replied, "What’s the good news?"
"I’m turning myself in," said Osama. "But the bad news is, I’m coming on a plane."
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One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch:
"My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like...
Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
How do you caculate the population of Russia?
You roll a bottle of vodka down the street.
Patient to doctor: "On the top of your prescription these words are printed: We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?"
Doctor: "Pay me. I will send it."
Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.
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One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather.
One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual.
It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her.
"Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!" she replied.
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row.
The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?"
"Of course the old woman!"
The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
The goal of life is living in agreement with Chuck Norris.
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