Joke #5683

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.

A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."

How many French men does it take to defend the city of Paris? Don't know...its never been done.

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I’ll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She’s gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He’s gone. "OK, you’re up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say...

If I had my whole life to live over again, I don’t think I’d have the strength.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring.

A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."

Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank. Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.