What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?
"Why does it work?"
What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask?
"How does it work?"
What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask?
"How much will it cost?"
What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask?
"Do you want fries with that?"
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A boy tells his friend that he has a crush on his teacher.
The second boy says, ‘Man, that is disgusting.’
The first boy says, ‘What?
Everyone has a crush on their teacher.’
The second boy says, ‘Yeah, but you’re home-schooled.’
Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong?
Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!
At school, a soldier spoke to Johnny's class.
Johnny felt enthusiastic about joining the military, so he went home and told his dad.
To his surprise, this was the biggest step forward in his life, so his dad decided to explain the military to him.
"Son, I'll teach you what you need to know about the military.
The Army and Navy are the only two REAL branches of our military.
The Marine Corps is a cult.
The Coast Guard is playing a game called 'Pretend Navy Since 1915'."
So Johnny asks his dad, "what about the Air Force?"
Johnny's dad explained to him, "well son, the Air Force is like a giant corporation.
Just a bunch of people sitting at desks playing Flight Simulator and bullshitting with each other."
By that time, Johnny was amazed and decided he wanted to join the military, but wanted to know what his daddy did.
"What did you do in the military, dad?"
"Well son, I spoke Chinese and shot at the Americans in Vietnam."
Vote:
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes.
After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Then she said, "First Question was which tire was flat?"
It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh.
At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!"
The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance.
"If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked.
Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten."
And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"
Vote:
Chad: Why do magicians do so well in school?
Josh: I don’t know. Why?
Chad: They’re good at trick questions.
There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor.
A white family lives on the top floor.
A mexican family lives on the second floor.
A nigger family lives on the botom floor.
At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrrible tornado hits the building, totally destroying it.
Which family lived?
The White family, because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.
Little Johnny wasn't a very good at speller.
One day, during a spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard.
"Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
Vote:
Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean.
Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there.
The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.
The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."
The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."
While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires.
They both scream, "What are you doing?"
To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."