Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. "What's up with those clocks, Peter?" "Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged." The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock. The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate. "What's the story with that clock?" "Oh, that," St. Peter replies. That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
Daddy to his son: I don't care if you are dating a black girl - they are all pink on the inside.
Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. “I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say?,” asked the nurse. “OOPS!”
When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'
What's the good part of there being no blacks on the Jetsons? It means the future will be great!
Use to be we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steven Jobs. Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs. Please do not die Kevin Bacon.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.