Q: Where do one-legged people eat?
A: IHOP. 
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What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
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Q: Where did OP go in the explosion?
A: Everywhere.
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What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door?
A nigger with a spear through his head.
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Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’?
A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
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Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.
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I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
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After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.
"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."
"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday."
So I call him on his cell.
"What gives, bro,?" I ask.
"Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes."
I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer."
"Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
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How did the tugboat get AIDS?
It was rear-ended by a ferry.
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