Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo?
A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.
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One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.
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So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy "Hey mister its getting dark out and I'm scared."
Man "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
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What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
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Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner?
So they can take bubble baths.
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Black humour is like a pair of legs.
Not everyone has it.
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Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.
This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
What's funnier than cancer?
Most things, really.
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A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother:
"Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale."
"Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."
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