Joke #9613

Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo? A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.

"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"

Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.

Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me…" says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"

Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ? A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses? A: Because their afraid of the showers.

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.

Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’? A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…

Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."

What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.