Joke #1842

I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.

How do you caculate the population of Russia? You roll a bottle of vodka down the street.

What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag? Speed bumps.

There’s one good thing about life. It’s only temporary.

Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

A priest passed near a young boys gang that were hanging out next to the church. He went close to them and asked them: "What are you boys doing there?" "Not much, Father. We are playing a game in which however says the biggest lie about his sexual life, wins!" "Oh, boys!" surprised said the priest. "When I was your age I wasn’t even thinking about sex!" And the boys unanimously: "You won, Father!"

Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.

A Ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food."

If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground? The rest of your life...

A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."

Air traffic controller: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"