Joke #1842

I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
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has 36.10 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: life

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Patient: Doc I keep on forgetting things. Doctor: Since when did you have these problems? Patient: What problems?
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An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning. He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch. He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time. The old man slowly reached over and pushed the camel's testicles to one side and then released them, letting them swing to a stop. "10:27" he said. The archaeologist was stunned as he had never seen someone tell time like that before. He rushed back to the hotel to find his colleagues and then brought them back to the town square to find the old man. Having found him again, the archaeologist said, "I will give you this $50 bill if you'll show me how you tell time. The old man pocketed the $50 bill and said, "OK, kneel down here with me and put your head close to mine. Now swing the camel's testicles out of the way. Now, can you see the clock on that building over there?"
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Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field.
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A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him, "I screwed your mom last night!" Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him. Again, he hears, "Your mom was good in bed last night!" Again, he tries to ignore it. The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says, "Dad, go home, you're drunk!"
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has 84.40 % from 231 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters? A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork
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After a long time two friends met, happy to see each other. One of them, chewing on something big, asked his friend how was he and what was new in his life. After the friend told his story, he asked the same question to the friend who was chewing something. "So, what’s up man?" "It’s a shitty period, there is nothing that works in my life and I feel really bad." "What is going on?! "Last Saturday I went to Las Vegas. You know that from time, to time I’m going there to play at casino, three or four times a year. I took with me thousand dollars and I put the other hundred in my driving license that I left in the car. For the safety reasons, you know, if it goes really bad at casino, I must have the money to pay highway and go back home. And so I walked in casino, I bought the chips and found an empty seat on a roulette table, next to a beautiful woman, about forty years old with a very provocative neckline. I made my first bet on 32, the number of my house, aiming 10 dollars." "How did it go?" The guy continues to tell his story, without stopping to chew something. "Released! I felt all the winning streak and I bet again on 32 and it’s released again. I was winning almost 13 000 dollars and the adrenaline was at maximum. I felt like I was the God and around the table came so many people to congratulated me and I bet more than 10 thousand dollars on 23." "And it went out again?" "No! This time came out a bloody 13. Do you realize that I had the bad luck? I had in my hands a lot of money and if 32 came out I was settled for a life time. But the horrid number 13 ruined my evening and the hole week after." "I understand you very well. It ‘s really to eat the balls." The other friend, continuing to chew louder: "What do you think I’m doing?"
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A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard. The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid hag was hiding under the bed Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!
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Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen tanks when scuba diving. He simply sucks all the life out of the ocean to breath.
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Police: Where do u live? Me: With my parents. Police: Where does ur parents live? Me: With me. Police: Where do u all live? Me: Together. Police: Where is ur house? Me: Next to my neighbors house. Police: Where is your neighbors house? Me: If i tell you u wont believe me. Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house...
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has 77.26 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: cop, family, life