Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
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A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
If you have a grief nobody feels,
If you have a pain nobody feels.
If your heart is broken nobody feels,
but if you fart all will understand.
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Where are you going for vacation this year?
I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
10 Facts About You:
1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid.
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny.
Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke.
A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish."
After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer."
The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared.
The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."
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A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness."
Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time."
Fat lady: "At which particular time?"
Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life sucks then you better brace yourself....
Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildo.
Is it true that 5 minutes of laugh prolongs your life by 5 minutes?
It depends who you are laughing at – it may as well shorten it...
Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen tanks when scuba diving.
He simply sucks all the life out of the ocean to breath.
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When a White guy is...
Scared- He gets even whiter.
Cold- He turns Blue.
Angry-He turns Red.
Stoned- Gray duh.
Sick- He turns Green.
When a Black guy is...
Scared- He stays Black.
Cold- He stays Black.
Angry- He stays Black.
Stoned- He stays Black.
Black Man to White Man: And you calling us colored.
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