Why did the tadpole feel lonely? Because he was newt to the area.
Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.
Why do polo bears like bald men? Because they have a great, white, bear place.
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
What do you call a tired cow? Milked out.
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent.
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.