Joke #10559

Why did the tadpole feel lonely? Because he was newt to the area.

Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!

What do cows get when they do all their chores? Mooney.

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''

Q. Why did the tiger loose at poker? A. Because he was playing with a cheetah.

Little Billy looks at the chimpanzees from the zoo. Mama, little Billy shouts, this monkey looks like our neighbour, Mr. Danny. Billy, it’s not polite to talk like that! Why? The chimpanzee doesn’t understand...

‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’ Sue Murphy

If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

"Does your dog bite?" "No." (Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him) "Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" "That is not my dog."

George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.” He opened the door and saw the bird alive! The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again. George said, “Why the change?” The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."