Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
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Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
It has 4 rabbits feet.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins.
He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they’re all wearing sun glasses.
He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”
The guy replies: “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”
The mommy Cobra with her little son are taking a “walk”.
The little cobra asks; "Mommy, are we poisonous?"
"Yes, we are. Why you ask?"
The little cobra asks again; "Are you sure that we’re poisonous?"
"Yes I am!" says the mom with pride.
The little one asks again; "Are you very very sure that we’re very poisonous?"
"Damn sure! We’re the most poisonous snakes in the whole world! But why you ask?"
The little cobra burst into tears; "Cause I bit my tongue a bit before!"
So...I had this rabbit that died of heatstroke after a week and I didn't have a time to name it.
So after it died and was on my lap the name came to me...I'll call it floppy!
When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head?
Steer phones.
The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?"
"Yes, I was. So what?"
"Were you sitting on the table?"
"Yeah, why?"
The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!"
"But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders.
"Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself.
As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him.
He ran as fast as he could.
He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear.
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.
His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster.
He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The river ran again.
And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw... brought both paws together... bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!