One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the donkey.
"Your name is written inside the cover."
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing?
A: He only had two worms.
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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What color socks do bears wear?
(They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
The Bible says I'll pay for my sins.
I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me . . . they’re cramming for their final exam.”
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A very respected Captain in the Foreign Legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost.
On his orientation tour he noticed a very old seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men’s barracks.
He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “Why is a camel tied to the barracks?”
The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do … uh … we have the camel ready for them.”
The Captain said, “Well, I suppose if it’s good for morale, then I guess it’s all right with me”.
After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn’t control his sexual angst any longer.
He barked to his Sergeant: “BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT!”
The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and lead the camel into the Captain’s quarters.
Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride.
“So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?” he asked.
The Sergeant replied, “Well, sir, usually they just use it to ride into town.”
Cow: "Why don't you shoo those flies?"
Bull: "I ll let them go barefoot!"
Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water?
A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best"
Sony 16:9
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