I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark.
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse slams a shot of scotch, and pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says: "When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times." The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila. He grabs one in each paw, slams the shots, and pounds the glasses to the bar. He turns to the other mice and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can and take it home. In the morning, I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day." The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and f*uck the cat."
How about we spank each other and call ourselves even?
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even? She'll cream you.
A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg. The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw." "So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked. "One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up." The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?" "You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"