I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
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What is the difference between an pilot and a pig?
The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
A duck walks into a pet store and asked the owner if he sold “duck-food” here.
The owner said; “no, I don’t sell duck food here”.
The next day the duck went back to the same pet store, and asked the owner again if he sold “duck-food” here.
The owner became very angry and said; “if you ask me for “duck-food” one more time, I am going to nail your web feet to the floor!”
The duck came back on the third day and asked the owner of the pet store; “do you sell any hammer and nails here?”
The owner answered; “no, I don’t sell any hammer and nails here”.
The duck then asked; “do you sell any “duck-food” here”?
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.
One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each.
Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.
Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.
Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world.
Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.
What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher?
Ground round.
