The best kids jokes

Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?" Mom: "Because he never lies." Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
Vote:
has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: communication, insulting, kids, mean, women
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
Vote:
has 73.59 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids
"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
Vote:
has 73.58 % from 235 votes. More jokes about: food, kids, sex, wife
Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?" Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
Vote:
has 73.58 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, little Johnny, teacher
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
Vote:
has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
Vote:
has 73.47 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, kids, marriage, time
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
Vote:
has 73.45 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, church, kids, love
I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
Vote:
has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, time, wine
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
Vote:
has 73.43 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, game, kids, mean, Santa
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the plane. The second passenger, Julia Gillard, said, "I am the prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest woman in Australian history, so Australia's people don't want me to die." She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane. The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America ." So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped. The fourth passenger, ex-President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. President. There's a parachute left for you. Australia's smartest woman took my schoolbag."
Vote:
has 73.42 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: airplane, kids, political
<<<13141516
More jokes →
Page 13 of 52.