The best kids jokes

Little Johnny and Mary were standing at the beach in their bathing suits. Johnny says to Mary, hey you show me yours and I'll show you mine. Mary says ok, and drops her bathing suit the same time as Johnie. He look and gasps you don't got one of these, but Mary laughs and says Yea, but with one of these I can get as many of those I want.
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has 72.26 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: kids, little Johnny
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
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has 72.05 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: kids, lawyer, money, wife
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Nina’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: kids, school, teacher
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons." Wife: "Same to you father of none."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: dad, husband, kids, wife
A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "Trick or treat?" I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?" He said, "A werewolf." I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on." He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, kids
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?" Mom: "Because he never lies." Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
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has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, insulting, kids, mean, women
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!
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has 71.89 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, school
A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
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has 71.88 % from 232 votes. More jokes about: age, kids, stupid
Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mum asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
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has 71.88 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, kitty
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