The best kids jokes

Facebook: "My kids are perfect." Instagram: "My kids are beautiful." Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: internet, kids
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, animal, kids, tax
Q: What animal has the most kids. A: A sperm whale.
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, kids
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.” A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.” The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
Vote: has 71.62 % from 96 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids
A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "Trick or treat?" I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?" He said, "A werewolf." I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on." He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Halloween, kids
Q: What sports team is the least safe around children? A: The Nashville Predators.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, sport
Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
Vote: has 71.42 % from 251 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: insulting, kids, Yo mama
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
Vote: has 71.39 % from 131 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, husband, kids, marriage, time
A young teacher explains to her class of third graders that she is a born-again Christian. She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too. Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air. There's just one girl who doesn't raise her hand. So the teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. The girl says, "Because I'm not a Christian." The teacher asks, "So what are you then? " The girl replies, "I'm an atheist." The teacher's a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she's an atheist. The girl says, "It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom's atheist, and my Dad's atheist, so I'm atheist."rnrnThe teacher is now angry. " That's no reason." she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?" "Then," says the girl, "I'd be a born-again Christian."
Vote: has 71.35 % from 91 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: atheist, Christmas, kids, religious, teacher


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