The best kids jokes

Yo mamas so ugly, she scares blind kids away.
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has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. He saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one."
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has 71.88 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: kids
On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother." Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunk."
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has 71.88 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, kids
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense," So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
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has 71.85 % from 255 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, kids, political
Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
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has 71.64 % from 253 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, Yo mama
"Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?" "Because I helped her."  "But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?" "I helped her eat her gummy bears."
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has 71.58 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: food, kids, little Johnny
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: kids
Suzy asked her big sister Samantha how babies are made. Samantha explains it to her. "I still don't get it? Can you show me." Suzy says. "OK. Tonight, I will let you watch will my boyfriend, Jack and I screw." That night, Jack laid Samantha 5 times but Suzy still didn't understand. The next night Jack was tired of Suzy watching so he offered to have sex with her. "OK but I don't want Samantha to watch" So Samantha went outside. They are in there for almost an hour and when they come out Jack is smiling like crazy. "That was fun but I still don't get it." Says Suzy The next day the same thing happened. And the next day. Finally 2 weeks later Samantha comes home crying. "Whats wrong," Suzy says. "Jack dumped me. He said there was someone better." Said Samantha. "Let's go talk to him maybe we can change his mind," said Suzy. When they got there Jack said he made up his mind and there was nothing they could do to change it. Then he asked to speak to Suzy privately. He pulled off all of Suzy's clothes and started to screw her. "OK," Jack said kissing Suzy's neck "I broke up with Samantha now tell me how you got to be so good in bed." "Fine." She replied, "I asked all my other sisters how babies are made."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, sex, stupid, time
Three men were talking about their teenage daughters: The first says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and found a packet of cigarettes. I didn't even know she smoked". The second says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank". Then the third speaks up. "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a penis".
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has 71.46 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, teen
Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success." Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: dad, doctor, kids
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