The best kids jokes

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
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More jokes about: kids, lawyer, money, wife
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that." So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?" The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."
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More jokes about: celebrity, dad, kids, money, school
A mother and her daughter were visiting the grave site of a loved one, when on their way back to the car they little girl stopped her mom. She said "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, sweetheart." her mother replied, "Why ever would you ask such a question?" "The headstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
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More jokes about: car, kids, love
A little girl took her report card home and showed it to mom. The mother was very disappointed by all the very low grades. "Well look on the bright side" said the child, "you know for sure I don't cheat."
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More jokes about: kids, school, stupid
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor?" "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
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More jokes about: kids
Little Johnny was watching TV with his mother. Johnny: "Why is this tampon commercial so long?" Mother: "This is my favorite show called 90210." Johnny: ...
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More jokes about: communication, kids, little Johnny, time
Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
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More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, party
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.
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More jokes about: animal, kids, weather
A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don’t be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts." A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says… "Now she knows."
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More jokes about: age, kids
Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mum asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
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More jokes about: baby, kids, kitty