The best kids jokes

Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
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has 71.76 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, Yo mama
Little Johnny's dad was constantly bragging about him to everyone. He was always telling everyone he met how his little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, and little Johnny was the best kid ever. One day little Johnny's dad was outside leaning on the fence talking to his next door neighbor. As usual it was "little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, little Johnny's the best kid ever." Just then the school bus pulled up and little Johnny himself got off the bus. His dad was elated. He turned back to the neighbor and said, "There's my little Johnny now! Isn't he the best kid ever? I'll ask him how his day went." So when little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad said;  "So little Johnny, how was school today?" "Oh school was great today dad! I had SEX in school today!" Then little Johnny went on into the house. His dad turned to his neighbor and said ever so proudly, "That's my little Johnny, he had SEX in school today! What a kid!" Next day little Johnny's dad was back at the fence again talking to the next door neighbor as the bus pulled up again. As little Johnny was getting off the bus, his dad turned to the neighbor and said "There's my little Johnny, what a boy! Watch this, I'll ask him if he had SEX in school again today!" As little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad called out to him "Hey little Johnny, did you have SEX in school again today?" "Oh no dad, my butt's still sore from yesterday!"
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has 71.76 % from 192 votes. More jokes about: kids, little Johnny, school, sex
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
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has 71.67 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology
"Yes brother," says Paddy. "Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick. "It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy. A month later Paddy calls Mick. "Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy. "That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick. "I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy. "And what did you call the boy?" "I called the boy De nephew."
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has 71.56 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: baby, business, family, kids
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
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has 71.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: kids, lawyer, sex
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!
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has 71.47 % from 190 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, school
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
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has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.
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has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dentist, kids
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
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has 71.27 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: baby, college, kids, marriage, wife
Three men were talking about their teenage daughters: The first says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and found a packet of cigarettes. I didn't even know she smoked". The second says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank". Then the third speaks up. "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a penis".
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has 71.14 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, teen
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