The best kids jokes

Q: What sports team is the least safe around children? A: The Nashville Predators.
Vote:
has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: kids, sport
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor?" "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
Vote:
has 72.60 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: kids
"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
Vote:
has 72.57 % from 222 votes. More jokes about: food, kids, sex, wife
A mother and her daughter were visiting the grave site of a loved one, when on their way back to the car they little girl stopped her mom. She said "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, sweetheart." her mother replied, "Why ever would you ask such a question?" "The headstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
Vote:
has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: car, kids, love
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter." Responses: American: "Keep trying!" Briton: "Change Doctor!" Aussie: "Follow a special diet." Indian: "Practice yoga!" Pinoy: "Let me try!"
Vote:
has 72.56 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: couple, doctor, food, kids
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!
Vote:
has 72.45 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, school
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.” A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.” The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
Vote:
has 72.43 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mum asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
Vote:
has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, kitty
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
Vote:
has 72.18 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
Yo mamas so ugly, she scares blind kids away.
Vote:
has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
<<<14151617
More jokes →
Page 14 of 51.