The best kids jokes

In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.” A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.” The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
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has 72.89 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids. So, he goes home, paints himself white and shows his dad. His dad beats the crud outta him. He shows his mother, "Hey Ma, Look! I'm white!" He gets beat by his mom too. Lastly, he shows his Grandmother, "Grandma, Look! I'm white! She beats him badly with her cane and sends him to his room. Later, his dad comes into his room and asks, "Son, did you learn anything out of this?" And the boy replies, "Duh! I've only been white for an hour and I already hate three niggers!"
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has 72.75 % from 887 votes. More jokes about: kids, racist, school, teacher, white people
I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, time, wine
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. He saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one."
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has 72.60 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: kids
Q: What sports team is the least safe around children? A: The Nashville Predators.
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: kids, sport
Happy Father's Day! I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it. By the way, can I borrow $20?
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, money
Happy Father's Day to a dad who was smart enough to teach me how to mow the lawn so he would't have to.
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, teacher, work
Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success." Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: dad, doctor, kids
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?" Mom: "Because he never lies." Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
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has 72.56 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, insulting, kids, mean, women
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