The best kids jokes

"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
Vote: has 68.01 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
Three boys are walking home from school and they see a naked woman. One of them runs away the other two stay to watch. The next day they are walking home from school and they see the naked woman again, and again the same boy runs away. Another day later they are walking home and they see the naked woman again, as the boy tries to run away the other boys grab him and ask, "What are you gay or something don't you like looking at naked women?" He replied, "Yeah, I love looking at naked women but my mom said that if I see one I'll turn into stone and I feel something starting to get hard."
Vote: has 67.89 % from 116 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, kids, school, women
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it. So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep. The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake. "Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?" William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!" And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary." Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question. "Who died on the cross for our sins?" William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!" Once again, she goes back to sleep. This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" William pokes her again. Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, kids, school, teacher
The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, money, wine
Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks. "Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!"
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, little Johnny
Q: What game did the dentist play when she was a child? A: Caps and robbers
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dentist, game, kids
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, age, husband, kids, wife
You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, kids
A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy’s mind, sat him and said: “God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white.” To which the child responded, “Well, then is God Michael Jackson?”
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, god, kids, music