A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked... "Then why did you eat him?"
Q: What is the most confusing day in Harlem? A: Father's Day.
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
I think my sons gay...I took off the seat of his bike, and he didn't notice.
Knock Knock! Who's There? Figs Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it's broken!
Should women have children after 35? "No, 35 children are enough!"
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
Teacher: What's 2 and 2? Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good. Pupil: Good? That's perfect!
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.