The best kids jokes

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
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has 70.82 % from 212 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, kids, Santa
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’” A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”
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has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: doctor, kids, school, teacher
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
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has 70.78 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
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has 70.72 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
Little Johnny's dad was constantly bragging about him to everyone. He was always telling everyone he met how his little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, and little Johnny was the best kid ever. One day little Johnny's dad was outside leaning on the fence talking to his next door neighbor. As usual it was "little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, little Johnny's the best kid ever." Just then the school bus pulled up and little Johnny himself got off the bus. His dad was elated. He turned back to the neighbor and said, "There's my little Johnny now! Isn't he the best kid ever? I'll ask him how his day went." So when little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad said;  "So little Johnny, how was school today?" "Oh school was great today dad! I had SEX in school today!" Then little Johnny went on into the house. His dad turned to his neighbor and said ever so proudly, "That's my little Johnny, he had SEX in school today! What a kid!" Next day little Johnny's dad was back at the fence again talking to the next door neighbor as the bus pulled up again. As little Johnny was getting off the bus, his dad turned to the neighbor and said "There's my little Johnny, what a boy! Watch this, I'll ask him if he had SEX in school again today!" As little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad called out to him "Hey little Johnny, did you have SEX in school again today?" "Oh no dad, my butt's still sore from yesterday!"
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has 70.58 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: kids, little Johnny, school, sex
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons." Wife: "Same to you father of none."
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dad, husband, kids, wife
Happy Father's Day to a dad who was smart enough to teach me how to mow the lawn so he would't have to.
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, teacher, work
Yo mamas so ugly, she scares blind kids away.
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has 69.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
One day little Johnny asked his teacher "So you know how most stores have 'you break it you buy it' rule? The teacher responded "Yes why?" Johnny said "Well do you think if you were to be looking at babies to adopt and dropped one that the orphange would make you buy it?"
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has 69.55 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: baby, customer service, kids, little Johnny, teacher
Son: "Dad, I'm cold..." Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, kids, science
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