The best kids jokes

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party in a bar. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit. "And why not, darling?", the father asked. You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
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More jokes about: bar, drunk, kids
Kissing is a habit Fucking is a game Guys get all the pleasure Girls get all the pain The guy says I love you You believe its true But when your tummy starts to swell, He says 'to hell with you' 10 minutes of pleasure 9 months in pain 3 days in hospital A baby without a name The baby is a bastard The mother is a whore This never wouldn't have happened If the rubber wouldn't have torn
Vote: has 68.66 % from 144 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, love, poems, sex, vulgar
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’” A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”
Vote: has 68.32 % from 89 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, kids, school, teacher
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
Vote: has 68.15 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fat, kids
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
Vote: has 67.89 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, lawyer, sex
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?" "Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, mean, ugly
A mother noticed her little dauther praying. "Please, God," the little girl kept saying. "Bless my father and my mother and make Melaka the capital city of Malaysia." "Why did you make such as strange request?" the mother asked. "Beacause that's what I wrote in my Geography test this morning!"
Vote: has 67.87 % from 396 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: geography, god, kids, school
I think my sons gay...I took off the seat of his bike, and he didn't notice.
Vote: has 67.75 % from 255 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, kids
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Nina’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, school, teacher