The best kids jokes

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
Vote: has 64.81 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, kids, sex
Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids? A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
Vote: has 64.80 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, kids, wife
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "George, why has your school work been so poor lately?" "I’m in love," the boy replied. Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?" "With you," he said. "But George," she said gently, "don’t you see how silly that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child." "Oh, don’t worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I’ll use a rubber."
Vote: has 64.76 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, kids, love, school, teacher
What do you call a old snowman? Water.
Vote: has 64.34 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
It was at an amusement park on a brutally hot day when I saw a father with 2 kids. "Who’s enjoying the most?" I asked cheerfully. "I am" said one. "I am" said the second. "No," the father said "their mother is!"
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, sex, single, time
A white boy and a black boy were arguing one day. The white boy screams "God is white!" The black boy screams "God is black!" This goes on and on for about an hour when all of a sudden there comes a loud crack of lightning and the heavens open up and a booming voice says "I am what I am." The white boy jumps up and says "See, I told you so!" To which the black boy says "How does that prove God's white?" The white boy replies "Because if God were black he would have said, "I is what I is."
Vote: has 64.05 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, communication, insulting, kids, white people
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, animal, dog, kids, travel
Santa Claus arrives to a kindergarten and gives each child a present. Everybody received really cool presents – racing car models, ship models and similar. But one kid got only a pair of socks. A kid comes to him and teases him with his received brand new Formula 1 model and laughs at this socks-kid: LHey, what a shitty present you have received, look at my super car" said the kid offensively. "So what, at least I don't have cancer…"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, kids, Santa