The best kids jokes

A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.” The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position. Confused, the boy asked what were they doing. The dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, “Well, son, we are making you a little brother.” The little boy replied ,”Please turn Mom over, Dad, I’d rather have a puppy!”
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: kids
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig. She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty. "Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?" "That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids
Two starving cannibals, a father and son, were out trying to get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came a little old man. The son said, "Oh Dad, there’s one." "No," said the father. "There’s not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We’ll just wait." A little while later, along came a really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he’s big enough." "No," the father said. "We’d all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We’ll just wait." About an hour later, there came this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there’s nothing wrong with that one Dad, let’s eat her." "No," said the father. "Were not going to eat her either." "Why not?" asked the son. "Because, we’re going to take her back alive, and eat your mother."
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: kids
Mom! I'm a 3D printer! Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you poop.
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has 65.08 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, kids, technology
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
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has 65.01 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids, sex
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
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has 64.93 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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has 64.89 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, kids, morbid
Why do ghetto people always name their kids things they cant afford like Diamond, Mercedes, Car Insurance?
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has 64.75 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach. One kid's parents were good business people. The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders. The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father. Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water. They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him. As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama. The president then said, "Thank you kids for saving me! I'll give you each one wish!" The first kid said he wanted a helicopter. The second kid wished for some money. And the redneck asked for a wheel chair. Obama, concerned, asked why the poor boy wouldn't want some money for his family. The kid replied, "Cause when pap finds out what I've done, I ain't gonna be walking for a pretty long time."
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has 64.65 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: age, kids, old people, political, racist
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.
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has 64.47 % from 321 votes. More jokes about: black people, Christmas, kids, mean
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