A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.
He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
His wife confessed, "Not this time."
When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked.
One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this.
Yep I was a very dumb child.
A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?"
The Harvard student replies "At Harvard, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition."
The kid said, "Sorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, asshole?"
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle."
Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible."
Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
A woman starts dating a doctor.
Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do.
About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says.
So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth.
One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I am your mother, the archbishop is your father."
"Mommy! Do Angels fly?"
"Yes, they do my love!"
"Then, when will our nanny fly? Dad calls her 'My Angel' all the time!"
"Tomorrow, my child, she'll fly as far as she goes..."
A little girl is in line to see Santa.
When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.
Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl.
"She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
One Sunday morning,a little girl and her mother go to church.
Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother she's going to be sick.
Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church.
The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes.
Her mother asks her if she threw up.
"Yes," the girl says.
"But I didn't have to go all the way "round the back.
There was a box near the front door that said "For the Sick."
Peter: My mom is having a new baby.
Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!"
The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."