The best kids jokes

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Nina’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: kids, school, teacher
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
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has 75.77 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, family, kids, technology
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
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has 75.68 % from 1660 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!" The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
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has 75.65 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, vulgar
I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, time, wine
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor?" "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
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has 75.58 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: kids
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
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has 75.58 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked. One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this. Yep I was a very dumb child.
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has 75.57 % from 681 votes. More jokes about: dirty, dog, kids, sex
Yo mama so fat when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"
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has 75.43 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: fat, kids, sport, Yo mama
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa. "Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl. "Yes, He did, and that wasn’t too long ago," answers her grandpa. "Boy," says the little girl, "He’s sure doing a lot better job these days isn’t He?"
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has 75.28 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: age, god, kids
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