The best kids jokes

Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
Vote:
has 76.68 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Vote:
has 76.64 % from 572 votes. More jokes about: kids
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. “Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?” Johnny says, “Yeah!”
Vote:
has 76.55 % from 247 votes. More jokes about: kids, little Johnny
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
Vote:
has 76.54 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: kids
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
Vote:
has 76.52 % from 1246 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?" Mom: "Because he never lies." Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
Vote:
has 76.51 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: communication, insulting, kids, mean, women
When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked. One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this. Yep I was a very dumb child.
Vote:
has 76.47 % from 631 votes. More jokes about: dirty, dog, kids, sex
Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy." Jimmy says, "Now! I can see why they threw him out!
Vote:
has 76.41 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: baby, heaven, kids
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Vote:
has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
Vote:
has 76.26 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, game, kids, mean, Santa
<<<10111213
More jokes →
Page 10 of 52.