The best kids jokes

"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!" The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, vulgar
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons." Wife: "Same to you father of none."
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, husband, kids, wife
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
Vote: has 73.83 % from 109 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, kids, marriage, time
There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids. So, he goes home, paints himself white and shows his dad. His dad beats the crud outta him. He shows his mother, "Hey Ma, Look! I'm white!" He gets beat by his mom too. Lastly, he shows his Grandmother, "Grandma, Look! I'm white! She beats him badly with her cane and sends him to his room. Later, his dad comes into his room and asks, "Son, did you learn anything out of this?" And the boy replies, "Duh! I've only been white for an hour and I already hate three niggers!"
Vote: has 73.82 % from 407 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, racist, school, teacher, white people
One Sunday morning,a little girl and her mother go to church. Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother she's going to be sick. Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church. The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes. Her mother asks her if she threw up. "Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way "round the back. There was a box near the front door that said "For the Sick."
Vote: has 73.80 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
Vote: has 73.69 % from 104 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids
A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?" The Harvard student replies "At Harvard, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition." The kid said, "Sorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, asshole?"
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Happy Father's Day! I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it. By the way, can I borrow $20?
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, money
Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, love
Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, animal, kids, tax