The best lawyer jokes

A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one." "Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise." Poof! She's gone. "Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Vote:
has 78.02 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, genie, holiday, lawyer, women
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm. He asks an attorney: "If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have, will you help me?" The attorney replies: "Sure, what's the other question?"
Vote:
has 77.84 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.
Vote:
has 77.59 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, political
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?" The witness: "Yes, sir." The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?" The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches." The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?" The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb? 3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.
Vote:
has 77.36 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
Vote:
has 77.36 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: accountant, geography, lawyer
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: "How many can you afford?"
Vote:
has 77.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb, money
A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, “Well , that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.” The Lawyer said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.” Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified. Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?” Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”
Vote:
has 77.19 % from 166 votes. More jokes about: death, heaven, lawyer, money
<<<6789
More jokes →
Page 6 of 34.