A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Your Honor! One of the jurors is asleep."
The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep… You wake him up."
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An investment advisor decided to go out on her own.
She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel.
The investment banker began to interview young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question."
She leaned forward.
"Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect.
"Let me tell you something about honest.
Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impresive.
And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment advisor.
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by.
One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her!
The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck?
It was not enough sand...
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
Vote:
One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond.
On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen!
"Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why re you so sad?"
"Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog."
"Tell me more" said the priest.
"One day, I was waslking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a nasty cheeky boy and turned me into a frog."
"But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest.
"Well" said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again."
"Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest.
So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bead!
"And that Your Honour, is the case for the Defence!"
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
The father with his daughter are taking a walk to a public place of their town;
"Ann! Why are you so nervously looking around?" observes the father.
"How else can I find you a really good son in law, dad?"