The best jokes about life

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.
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has 81.40 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: friendship, life
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
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has 81.39 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: life, light bulb, women
Songs are not going to make us do anything we would not ordinarily do. Because if that was the case, the song "Achy Breaky Heart" would have made me kill somebody about a year ago.
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has 81.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: death, life, music
Q: What did the pencil say to the sharpener? A: Stop going in circles and get to the point.
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has 81.23 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, life
A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city." "Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."
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has 81.21 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life
I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirty joke." Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?" Me: "John" Homeless man: "So Johny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have." Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?" Me: "I don't know? A lot?" Homeless man: "Well Johny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy."
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has 81.20 % from 357 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, life, money
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew it.
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has 81.04 % from 177 votes. More jokes about: life
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden." The prisoner writes back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
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has 81.00 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, money, prison, wife
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they're all like "we need to talk."
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has 80.93 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: life
A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off: "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses." Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job... Lead us not into temptation."
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has 80.93 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: age, life, time
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