The best jokes about life

A guy drives on the highway and sees a sign that says, "Mississippi State Whorehouse 10 miles." He decides to stop in. A madam answers the door, and the man requests a whore. The madam says, "I'll need $500 first." The man pays, then asks about his whore again. The madam says "Wait for 15 minutes in that hallway. Go straight, left, straight, right, and then go through the door at the end of the hall." He follows the directions, walks out the door and finds himself in the parking lot. His car has a sign on it that says, "Congrats! You've just been screwed by the state of Mississippi!"
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has 78.85 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: life, money, travel
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.
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has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, life
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
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has 78.75 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: god, life, religious
A guy goes out one day, hunting for bear. After a few hours in the forest, he finally sees a giant grizzly. He gets the bear in the rifle's sight and is about to pull the trigger when he feels a tap on his shoulder. It's another bear. 'Buddy,' the bear says, 'that's my best friend down there. I can rip your head off right now, or you can suck my dick. What's it gonna be?' Fearing for his life, the hunter says 'I'll suck your dick, Mr. Bear.' The next day, hungry for revenge, the hunter returns to the woods and sees the same bear. But as soon as he lines up the bear in his sights, he feels a tap on his shoulder. 'Buddy,' says the bear. 'Today, I can rip your head off or you can fuck me in the ass.' Again fearing for his life, the hunter replies, 'I'll fuck you in the ass Mr.Bear.' The next day, furious at what has happened to him, the hunter returns to the forest in order to kill same bear. Once again, he gets the bear in his rifle sights when he feels a tap on his shoulder. The bear shakes his head at the hunter and says, 'You don't come here for the hunting do you?'
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has 78.66 % from 727 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, sex
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.
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has 78.61 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: life
Songs are not going to make us do anything we would not ordinarily do. Because if that was the case, the song "Achy Breaky Heart" would have made me kill somebody about a year ago.
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has 78.59 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: death, life, music
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
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has 78.55 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: life
Who was the fastest runner? Adam. He was first in the human race.
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has 78.55 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: athlete, life
Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.
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has 78.47 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: life
Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help. They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning. The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore. Bush asks the boys how he can repay them. The first boy says, "I want a boat." The second boy says, "I want a truck." The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone." Bush asks, "Why is that?" The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
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has 78.40 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, life, political
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