The best jokes about life

Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?" Doctor: "How old are you now?" Patient: "40" Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?" Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice." Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"
Vote: has 78.87 % from 63 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, alcohol, doctor, game, life
10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash.
Vote: has 78.86 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
Songs are not going to make us do anything we would not ordinarily do. Because if that was the case, the song "Achy Breaky Heart" would have made me kill somebody about a year ago.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, life, music
At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
Vote: has 78.78 % from 305 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, sex
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
Vote: has 78.75 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life
A priest passed near a young boys gang that were hanging out next to the church. He went close to them and asked them: "What are you boys doing there?" "Not much, Father. We are playing a game in which however says the biggest lie about his sexual life, wins!" "Oh, boys!" surprised said the priest. "When I was your age I wasn’t even thinking about sex!" And the boys unanimously: "You won, Father!"
Vote: has 78.71 % from 533 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, church, life, priest, sex
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
Vote: has 78.59 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, life, money, tax
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Vote: has 78.59 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, mean, men, women
3 things which change women: 1) I love U 2) I liquidated to your account 3) U have lost weight The last one had been some fatalities!
Vote: has 78.59 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, life, love, money, women
A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard. The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid hag was hiding under the bed Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!
Vote: has 78.55 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life


<<<16171819
More jokes →
Page 16 of 80.