The best jokes about life

Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?" Doctor: "How old are you now?" Patient: "40" Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?" Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice." Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"
Vote: has 77.68 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, alcohol, doctor, game, life
You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means? You Matter.
Vote: has 77.53 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me. On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen. Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"
Vote: has 77.53 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dirty, life
Get to know your mate. If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front. And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up. Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, life
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
Vote: has 77.50 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, bartender, life, new year, time
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup. “No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug.” "Do you want a room with or without a view?"
Vote: has 77.37 % from 53 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.
Vote: has 77.36 % from 64 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
Life Lemons Saying: White Guy: When Life gives you lemons enjoy them with friends. Black Guy: When Life gives you lemons sell them, buy a gun, point it at life and say "More lemons mother Fucker".
Vote: has 77.30 % from 433 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, racist
Can I help you? No. I just waited in the line for 30 minutes to say Hi.
Vote: has 77.24 % from 116 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life


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