Imagine that ur in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? U stop imagining...
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
Ok, so there this girl sleeping in religion class The teaches asks the class "who is our lord and savior?" The boy behind the girl pokes her with a pen and she screams jesus christ! The teacher says "good, now who created the earth in seven days?" The boy pokes the girl again, she lest "oh my god!" The teacher says "good, now what did Eve say to Adam after their 11 child? The boy pokes the girl one more time and the girl yells "if you poke me with that ting one more time im going to break it off!"
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch. With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there. "Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father. "But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits. "Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her. And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
I'm actually glad that 2 Chainz mentions his name at the begin of every song. It gives me time to change the radio station.