You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn't have the guts!
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
Patient: "I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night." Doctor: "Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone."
Every time you're sad, just remember that somewhere out there a tree grew for years and years, but was then destroyed and became material for a Justin Bieber notebook.
Define "Egghead": What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
What do you find in a clean nose? Fingerprints!
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry.