No! You don't have "Bad luck". You have low IQ and you make bad decisions.
Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
Q: What's in the wardrobe? A: Narnia business.
Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves. In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.
Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
Q: What is height of forgetfulness? A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."