Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...
Life may not be worth living, but what else can you do with it?
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Programming is like sex One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.