The best jokes about life

I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron." That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next. "Ribbit. Vegas." We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first. "Ribbit. Roulette." We went up to the roulette table, and I won big. I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel. I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it. "Ribbit. Kiss me." I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog. It turned into a 15-year-old girl. That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly. Tweet Share
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, golf, life, work
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: food, life, money, political
This couple board this jetliner for a trip to New York. The jetliner gets full of passengers and they are to go but, they notice that there are no attendants or pilots. The door closes and the jetliner starts taxing down the taxiway towards the runway and starts to take off as they are airborne the intercom says: Welcome to flight 1313 non stop to New York as you can see there are no attendants and or pilots this aircraft is totally computerized so sit back and enjoy the flight because there is nothing that can go wrong go wrong go wrong go wrong ...
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: airplane, life
Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen tanks when scuba diving. He simply sucks all the life out of the ocean to breath.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: food, life
You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate. So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives: moving back in with your parents.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: family, graduation, life, school
Imagine that ur in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? U stop imagining...
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: blonde, life, time
Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, money, time
Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like... Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, love, music
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