My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park.
But In the end, it doesn't even matter.
"Knock Knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Europe."
"Europe who?"
"No you're a poo."
"Doctor I feel like biscuits!"
"What, you mean those square ones?"
"Yes!"
"The ones you put butter on?"
"Yes!"
"Well, that means you’re crackers!"
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes?
The police thought it was a cereal killer.
Every night I play a game called "Should I pee or can I hold it till morning".
Q: What's in the wardrobe?
A: Narnia business.
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
A teller at our credit union was assisting a member with a loan application.
"Do you have references?" she asked.
The member replied, "Do they have to be living?"
On a beach a man shouts at another man:
Tell your son not to imitate me.
A man to his son:
Son, stop playing the fool.