On a beach a man shouts at another man:
Tell your son not to imitate me.
A man to his son:
Son, stop playing the fool.
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL?
A: Sir, we were able to save her!
Vote:
Q: What's in the wardrobe?
A: Narnia business.
A lady buys some new furniture at Ikea.
She reads the instuctions and builds the wardrobe.
As soon as it"s built she a bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces.
The lady tries again and 5 minutes later another bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces.
The lady is furious and calls Ikea.
Ikea tell her that they will send a worker to build it.
When the worker arrives he builds the wardrobe and says:
"Ok, I"m going to my next client."
To which the lady says:
"NO! Wait! You"ll see, as soon as a bus comes by it will dismantle itself..."
The man agrees to stay to wait for the bus.
After a while the man says that he better get in the wardrobe to see where the problem is when the bus passes by, to which the lady agrees.
10 minutes later the husband arrives and say"s:
"Ahh lovely honey you bought us a new wardrobe..."
He opens it up and say"s: "SIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
To which the worker replies:
"I"m waiting for the bus!"
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs:
"Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
Romi (to the doctor): "Doctor, my sister thinks that she is a lift."
Doctor: "Tell her to come in."
Romi: "I cannot"
Doctor: "Why so?"
Romi: "Because she does not stop at this floor."
Q: What does the baker have under his apron?
A: Dough nuts.
Q: Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
A: Cause it got stuck in a crack.
Work emails are like the gym.
You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun.
You get bored of it within hours.
You only keep going to keep up your reputation.
The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.