What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight. A black eye, and a swollen lip.
Define "Egghead": What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
The Highlander movie was actually based on Chuck Norris's life. There can be only one.
How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire? Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
No! You don't have "Bad luck". You have low IQ and you make bad decisions.
Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court? A: For charges of battery.