The best jokes about life

Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute." Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. "What are you doing?," the female egg asked. He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like... Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
Vote:
has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, love, music
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
Vote:
has 64.18 % from 165 votes. More jokes about: car, jewish, life, religious, terrorist
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
Vote:
has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, god, life
Work emails are like the gym. You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun. You get bored of it within hours. You only keep going to keep up your reputation. The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.
Vote:
has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, gym, life, time, work
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life, relationship, time, wife
Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In the mainstream.
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: death, hipster, life
Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast. They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes. Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped. Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped. Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped. The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said "Why? We can both jump." "How is that?" said the monk. The boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!"
Vote:
has 63.67 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: airplane, life, political, school
Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying." The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life, political
<<<46474849
More jokes →
Page 46 of 82.