What are the three rules for being a plumber? 1. Hot water is always on the left. 2. Shit doesn't flow uphill 3. Never chew your fingernails.
You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
"Knock Knock?" "Who's there?" "Europe." "Europe who?" "No you're a poo."
"I really don’t know girl, but I don’t believe in love at first sight!" "Why?" "Because... How can you tell if the man has a good salary at the first sight?"
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight. A black eye, and a swollen lip.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
The Highlander movie was actually based on Chuck Norris's life. There can be only one.