The best jokes about life

Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable. You in there with mass murderers and everybody. "What you in here for?" "I killed six people. What you in here for?" "Comedy Central."
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has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, life, prison
Everytime a someone tells me my jokes are funny, I say, "Thanks! I got more lines than Whitney Huston's coffee table.".
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life
Q: What is height of forgetfulness? A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life
A teller at our credit union was assisting a member with a loan application. "Do you have references?" she asked. The member replied, "Do they have to be living?"
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life, money
Funny Lists: Eight ways to say "Your Fly Is Open" 1. The cucumber has left the salad. 2. You've got Windows in your laptop. 3. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 4. Your pod bay door is open, Hal. 5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 6. Sailor Ned is trying to take a little shore leave. 7. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 8. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
What are the three rules for being a plumber? 1. Hot water is always on the left. 2. Shit doesn't flow uphill 3. Never chew your fingernails.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
Patient: "I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night." Doctor: "Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, life
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away. "Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank" says the shepherd. "You are exactly right!" responds the man, "but tell me, how did you deduce that?" "Well," says the shepherd, "put down the dog and I will tell you."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, money
Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day. They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The other two asked how did he do it. He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"
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has 64.80 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: bible, life
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