The best jokes about life

I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times already.
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: life
What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!
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has 66.62 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: life, sex
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, wife
A preacher's wife goes to the butcher. The butcher asks if she'd like to try some damn ham. The preacher's wife is shocked. The butcher explains that "Dam Ham" is the brand name of the meat and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo. That night, the preacher asks, "What's for dinner?" His wife says she bought some damn ham from the butcher. The preacher scolds his wife for using such language in their home. She explains the "Dam Ham brand name and their logo. At the dinner table, the preacher asks his 16-year-old son to pass him the "Dam Ham." The son replies, "I'll pass the damn ham if you pass me the muthaf**kin' mashed potatoes."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: food, life, wife
A milkman gets an order for 45 pints of milk. Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake. When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out wearing just a bath towel, and she confirms that she wants 45 pints. "Milk baths are good for your skin," explains the woman. "Oh, OK," replies the milkman. "Do you need it pasteurized then?" "No," says the woman. "Up to my tits will be fine."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking." Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life
Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds? It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: food, life, political
10 Facts About You: 1. You're reading this now. 2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact. 4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3. 5. You're checking now. 6. You're smiling. 7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid. 9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8. 10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again. 11. You're enjoying this. 12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
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has 66.56 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: life
3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room. 2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom. 3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
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has 66.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, sex
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