The best jokes about life

Q: What did the pencil say to the sharpener? A: Stop going in circles and get to the point.
Vote: has 81.77 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, life
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, life
I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
Vote: has 81.64 % from 113 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, death, life, music
Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help. They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning. The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore. Bush asks the boys how he can repay them. The first boy says, "I want a boat." The second boy says, "I want a truck." The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone." Bush asks, "Why is that?" The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
Vote: has 81.58 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, death, life, political
A professor was walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival professor. The street was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: "I never make way for fools!" Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said: "I always do."
Vote: has 81.57 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Vote: has 81.55 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, light bulb, women
I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirty joke." Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?" Me: "John" Homeless man: "So Johny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have." Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?" Me: "I don't know? A lot?" Homeless man: "Well Johny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy."
Vote: has 81.48 % from 112 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty, life, money
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Vote: has 81.43 % from 156 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, war, work
You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means? You Matter.
Vote: has 81.40 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life