The best love jokes

Him: "I'm going to come and see you, I don't care about the gas prices or anything I'm coming to no matter what." Her: "Aw okay, I'm going to get ready." Him: "I love you, I can't wait to see you, I'm getting ready to leave." Her: "Okay honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know." Him: "My car just blew up, I can't come see you." Her: "Get your friend to bring you, he always does." Him: "He got shot I can't come, sorry." Her: "Never mind I'm not on my period, my panties are just red." Him: "My boy said he is okay, he's going to take me, I'm going." Her: "I'm really on my period." Him: "Damn! He got shot again..."
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, friendship, love, relationship
Tow millipedes went for honey moon. The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
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has 61.28 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, love, sex, wedding
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, love, time
What’s the difference between a sex night with the husband and one with the truelove? About a half an hour...
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has 60.87 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, sex
Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him? A: He came home shit faced.
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has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, gay, love
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, technology, Valentines day, wife
Son: "What's love juice daddy?" Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?" Son: "Wimbledon."
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has 59.79 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dad, love, sex, sport
Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm in love but not with you... When we broke up you thought I cried But all it was... Was another guy, You told your friends that I was a trick, I told mine that you had a weak dick... I said I loved you And you thought it was true, But guess what baby?! You got played too!
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has 59.10 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, love, mean, poems
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend. They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
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has 58.28 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: fish, husband, love, marriage, women
An elderly retired couple went to a doctor. The man said, "We want to know if we are making love properly. Will you look at us?" "Go ahead," said the doctor. They made love. "You are making love perfectly," the doctor said. "That will be $10." They came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing. On the seventh visit the doctor said, "What are you coming here like this for - I told you that you are making love properly!" "She can't come to my house," said the man, "and I can't go to her house. A motel costs $20. You charge us $10 and we get $8 back from Medicare."
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: doctor, love, money, old people
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