The best love jokes

Him: "I'm going to come and see you, I don't care about the gas prices or anything I'm coming to no matter what." Her: "Aw okay, I'm going to get ready." Him: "I love you, I can't wait to see you, I'm getting ready to leave." Her: "Okay honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know." Him: "My car just blew up, I can't come see you." Her: "Get your friend to bring you, he always does." Him: "He got shot I can't come, sorry." Her: "Never mind I'm not on my period, my panties are just red." Him: "My boy said he is okay, he's going to take me, I'm going." Her: "I'm really on my period." Him: "Damn! He got shot again..."
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, friendship, love, relationship
Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers. The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes." The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
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has 58.18 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, marriage, women
Tow millipedes went for honey moon. The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
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has 58.18 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, love, sex, wedding
"For love on the first sight, there's a tremendous medicine!" "What medicine?" "To get another look...!"
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has 57.69 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love
Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: love, men
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: cop, love, men
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
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has 56.66 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: beauty, birthday, life, love, marriage
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, love, time
Do you believe in love at first set? Or should I curl this barbell another 10 times?
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: fitness, flirt, love
Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, love
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