The best love jokes

Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant. We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together." My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?" I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: beer, communication, food, love, marriage
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, love, women
Him: "I'm going to come and see you, I don't care about the gas prices or anything I'm coming to no matter what." Her: "Aw okay, I'm going to get ready." Him: "I love you, I can't wait to see you, I'm getting ready to leave." Her: "Okay honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know." Him: "My car just blew up, I can't come see you." Her: "Get your friend to bring you, he always does." Him: "He got shot I can't come, sorry." Her: "Never mind I'm not on my period, my panties are just red." Him: "My boy said he is okay, he's going to take me, I'm going." Her: "I'm really on my period." Him: "Damn! He got shot again..."
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, friendship, love, relationship
Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers. The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes." The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
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has 58.18 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, marriage, women
In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love. In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
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has 57.92 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: beauty, college, drunk, love, school
"For love on the first sight, there's a tremendous medicine!" "What medicine?" "To get another look...!"
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has 57.69 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love
Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: love, men
When Adam asked Eve out for dinner she replied: "Oh I'd love to, but I haven't a thing to wear."
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: god, love, women
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: cop, love, men
Life is like a definite integral. Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE
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has 56.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: life, love, math, nerd
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