The best love jokes

Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant. We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together." My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?" I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: beer, communication, food, love, marriage
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, love, time
Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party? A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, party
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, love, women
What’s the difference between a sex night with the husband and one with the truelove? About a half an hour...
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has 60.54 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, sex
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dirty, dog, love, sex
An elderly retired couple went to a doctor. The man said, "We want to know if we are making love properly. Will you look at us?" "Go ahead," said the doctor. They made love. "You are making love perfectly," the doctor said. "That will be $10." They came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing. On the seventh visit the doctor said, "What are you coming here like this for - I told you that you are making love properly!" "She can't come to my house," said the man, "and I can't go to her house. A motel costs $20. You charge us $10 and we get $8 back from Medicare."
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: doctor, love, money, old people
Do you believe in love at first set? Or should I curl this barbell another 10 times?
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: fitness, flirt, love
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, technology, Valentines day, wife
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings": * The Engagement Ring * The Wedding Ring * The Suffe-Ring * The Endu-Ring
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has 57.04 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: life, love, marriage, wedding
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