Everybody loves Raymond. Except for Chuck Norris.
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.
Do you believe in love at first set? Or should I curl this barbell another 10 times?
Knock knock. Who's there? Kenya. Kenya who? Keeeenya feeel the loooove tonight?
An elderly retired couple went to a doctor. The man said, "We want to know if we are making love properly. Will you look at us?" "Go ahead," said the doctor. They made love. "You are making love perfectly," the doctor said. "That will be $10." They came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing. On the seventh visit the doctor said, "What are you coming here like this for - I told you that you are making love properly!" "She can't come to my house," said the man, "and I can't go to her house. A motel costs $20. You charge us $10 and we get $8 back from Medicare."
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him? A: He came home shit faced.