Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party?
A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings.
Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver.
The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like...
Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
"Hi Liz! How's the big love of yours, James?"
"It's over!"
"Over? Why, what happened?"
"We got married..."
A teenager is a hopeless romantic who never falls in love more then twice a week.
When Adam asked Eve out for dinner she replied: "Oh I'd love to, but I haven't a thing to wear."
After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love.
In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.