The best management jokes

On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight." The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again." A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?" "This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."
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has 74.71 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: family, food, management, sport, war
The clerk walks into the boss's office and says, "The auditors have just left, sir." "Have they finished checking the books?", asks the boss. "Very thoroughly," is the reply. "Well, what did they say", says the boss. "They want 15% to keep quiet."
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: accountant, management, money
Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant, management, money
A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill. However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a problem." "Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks "I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"
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has 73.37 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: dirty, management, masturbation, work
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom – I'll show you how."
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has 72.33 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: college, graduation, management, stupid, work
One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing. He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur. Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!" He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone. He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole. Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!" He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again. "There's no fish there!" it booms. He looks up nervously. "G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks. "No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuck out of here!"
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, god, management, vulgar
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."
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has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: management, money, stupid
Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Two weeks later: Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: food, management, mean
The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir." "What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss. "Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, management, mean, office, phone
HR manager to job candidate: ‘I see you’ve had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.’
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: IT, management