The best management jokes

A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill. However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a problem." "Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks "I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"
Vote:
has 74.16 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: dirty, management, masturbation, work
On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight." The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again." A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?" "This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."
Vote:
has 73.80 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: family, food, management, sport, war
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom – I'll show you how."
Vote:
has 73.40 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: college, graduation, management, stupid, work
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."
Vote:
has 73.06 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: management, money, stupid
HR manager to job candidate: ‘I see you’ve had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.’
Vote:
has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: IT, management
When you give birth to a great idea at work, your boss should give you 2 weeks of maternity leave.
Vote:
has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: management, work
Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
Vote:
has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: life, management, money, wife
Boy: "Our principal is so stupid!" Girl: "Don't you know who I am?" Boy: "No?" Girl: "I'm the principals daughter". Boy: "Do you know who I am?" Girl: "No." Boy: "Good." *walks away quickly*
Vote:
has 72.22 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: communication, management, school, stupid, vulgar
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...
Vote:
has 70.93 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: baby, life, management, work
Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and... Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We await your direction.
Vote:
has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: IT, management, money, time