The best math jokes

Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have? I would have five dollars... You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny... You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
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More jokes about: little Johnny, math, money
The teacher asked little Johnny, “What’s two and two?”. He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, “Four, teacher?”. She said, ” Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind behind your back and tell me what’s three and three”. He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, “Six, teacher?”. She said, “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your fingers. Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five”. He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, “Eleven, teacher?”.
Vote: has 76.20 % from 206 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, math, teacher, time
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Vote: has 76.20 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, math, money
I used to think maths was useless, but then one day I realised that decimals had a point.
Vote: has 76.19 % from 444 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.
Vote: has 75.96 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, math
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven? A: She didn't know what one came first.
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, math, stupid
What is 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period.
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More jokes about: math, sex
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Vote: has 74.36 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, hunting, math, nerd
Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch!" Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords." But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it." Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."
Vote: has 74.16 % from 106 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, math, teacher, vulgar
Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket. The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out." The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants." While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires. They both scream, "What are you doing?" To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."
Vote: has 74.08 % from 154 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math, school, science