The best math jokes

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
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has 80.42 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: doctor, math, old people
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you \$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
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has 80.27 % from 164 votes. More jokes about: business, math, money
Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket. The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out." The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants." While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires. They both scream, "What are you doing?" To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."
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has 79.82 % from 222 votes. More jokes about: math, school, science
I'll admit that the Chinese kids in math class are pretty smart. But doing it with their eyes closed... that's a bit cocky.
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has 79.10 % from 1596 votes. More jokes about: math, racist
A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"
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has 78.64 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: math
Q: How do you know if a Chinese tried to rob your house? A: You get home and your maths homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later He is still trying to back out of your driveway.
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has 78.27 % from 3388 votes. More jokes about: asian, car, computer, math, racist
The teacher asked little Johnny, “What’s two and two?”. He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, “Four, teacher?”. She said, ” Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind behind your back and tell me what’s three and three”. He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, “Six, teacher?”. She said, “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your fingers. Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five”. He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, “Eleven, teacher?”.
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has 77.86 % from 361 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, teacher, time
Son: Dad, it's so cold in here! Father: Go stand in the corner. Son: Why? Father: The corner is 90 degrees.
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has 77.81 % from 756 votes. More jokes about: math
Q: Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? A: Because they don't believe in higher powers.
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has 77.08 % from 219 votes. More jokes about: atheist, math, religious
I used to think maths was useless, but then one day I realised that decimals had a point.
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has 76.72 % from 505 votes. More jokes about: math
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