The best math jokes

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
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has 71.81 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, food, math
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
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has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: accountant, math, work
Little Johnny in Math Class. One day little Johnny was sitting in math class. The teacher asked him, "there are 3 crows on a fence the farmer shoots one how many are left?" Little Johnny replied "none." Confused the teacher asked again. "Johnny, there are 3 crows on the fence the farmer shoots 1 how many are left?" Johnny replies "0." Teacher says, "ok Little Johnny how are you getting this." Little Johnny replies, "if 1 crow dies then the other two fly away, 0 crows left." Teacher says "that's not the correct answer but I like the way your thinking." Little Johnny replies, "ok teach, there 3 girls in an ice-cream parlor. One is sucking the cone, one is licking the cone, and the other is biting the cone, which one is married?" The teacher replies, "I guess the one sucking the cone." Little Johnny says, "no bitch it's the one with the ring on her finger but, I like the way your thinking."
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has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, math, school, vulgar
Chuck Norris teaches math to solve its own problems.
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has 70.58 % from 361 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, math, teacher
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4? Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
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has 70.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: math, school, teacher
A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
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has 70.13 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: math
Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8? Student: Miss horizontally or vertically? Teacher: What do mean? Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.
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has 69.76 % from 319 votes. More jokes about: math, student, teacher
Math tells us three of the saddnest love stories: 1)Tangent lines who had one chance to meet and then parted forever. 2)Parallel lines who were never meant to meet. 3)Asymptotes who can get closer and closer but will never be together.
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has 69.54 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: math
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black." "No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
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has 69.31 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: animal, math
Teacher: "Are you good at math?" Pupil: "Yes and no." Teacher: "What do you mean?" Pupil: "Yes, I'm no good at math!"
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has 69.14 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: math, school, teacher
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