The best mean jokes

Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
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has 79.28 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, mean, vulgar
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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has 78.86 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar
Q: Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors? A: So they can see the battlefield.
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has 78.75 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, mean, war
There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, they must be punished for their arrogance.
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has 78.47 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: customer service, management, mean
Three couples are having a picnic. One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey." The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar." Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
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has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: couple, food, mean, men, vulgar
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, wife, work
I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
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has 78.00 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wife, wine
My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat." "You're much bigger than that."
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has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, mean
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
An Atheist dies in a car crash and wakes up in a big dark room with a sign above a single door: "Welcome to Hell!" "Shit! So the Shavelings were right after all!" the Atheist thinks, opens the door – and is stunned by the view! A marvelous beach! Crystal blue water, white sand, palm trees, the sun is shining and all around there are people laughing, having fun and listening to happy music or enjoying excellent food and drinks.rnLucifer, dressed in a Hawaiian Shirt, greets the Atheist, hands him a fantastic- looking cocktail and says cheerfully: "Hey! Welcome to Hell. Have a drink, have a snack. Take a look around and enjoy yourself! See you later!" Totally speechless at first, the Atheist finally starts to take a look around, is greeted everywhere, listens to people´s stories about their mortal lives and takes a stroll down the beach. After a few minutes into the walk, he starts hearing cries of pain, wailing, shouts, and screams and decides to follow that noises. Finally, the Atheist arrives at the rim of a big, black hole, takes a look down and is scared to the bone! Down there, the place is all fire, sulfur, brimstone! Rivers of lava, gnarled trees, and among it all the lost souls, being tormented forever by demons and devils. "Whoa! Take it easy!" Lucifer jumps right in to prevent the Atheist from falling into that pit and he stumbles backward, drops into the sand and stammers: "Wha... what the HELL is that place?" Lucifer looks down, shrugs and says: "Oh, that´s the Catholic´s department. They want it that way."
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has 77.46 % from 203 votes. More jokes about: atheist, car, catholic, death, mean
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