The best mean jokes

It can buy a House But not a Home It can buy a Bed But not Sleep It can buy a Clock But not Time It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge It can buy you a Position But not Respect It can buy you Medicine But not Health It can buy you Blood But not Life So you see, Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want totake away your pain and suffering... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. A more true Friend you will never find.
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has 77.79 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, money, poems
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
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has 77.76 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, family, Halloween, mean
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 77.74 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
I never knew happiness till I got married. By then it was too late.
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has 77.74 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage, mean, time
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
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has 77.53 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship, romantic, Valentines day
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
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has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat." "You're much bigger than that."
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, mean
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, men, money, women
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: love, mean
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