The best mean jokes

Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 79.95 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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has 79.75 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar
There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, they must be punished for their arrogance.
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has 79.75 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: customer service, management, mean
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
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has 79.60 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: couple, mean, women
A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute!" That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."
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has 79.48 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, lawyer, life, mean
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps? A: New Jersey got first pick.
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has 79.35 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: geography, lawyer, mean
Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!" Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
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has 78.95 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar
My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat." "You're much bigger than that."
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has 78.86 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, mean
Workplaces are like septic tanks: All the biggest lumps eventually rise to the top.
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has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: management, mean, work
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
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has 78.59 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
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