The best mean jokes

If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
Vote: has 78.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, mean
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
Vote: has 78.47 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, game, kids, mean, Santa
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
Vote: has 78.03 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, fart, marriage, mean, sex
An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut. After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay. "No charge, son" replies the barber, "Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, the barber finds a squadron T-shirt and a thank-you note left by his customer. Later that day, a staff sergeant comes in, asking the barber to take a little bit off the sides. When the haircut was complete and the NCO reaches for his wallet, the barber again says: "No charge, sergeant. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, he is pleased to find an Air Force hat and a squadron coin by the door, with a thank-you note. Later that day, a colonel comes in, asking if the barber can do something to cover his bald spot. The barber obliges, and when it comes time to pay, he again says: "No charge, sir. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The barber comes to work the next day and finds on his doorstep... three more Air Force colonels.
Vote: has 77.88 % from 60 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: air force, mean, military, money, time
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
Vote: has 77.74 % from 103 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
Vote: has 77.64 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, dirty, mean, vulgar
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife? A: Let him keep her!
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: mean, men, wife
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Vote: has 77.50 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: divorce, mean, men, money, women
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
Vote: has 77.03 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology


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