The best mean jokes

An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut. After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay. "No charge, son" replies the barber, "Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, the barber finds a squadron T-shirt and a thank-you note left by his customer. Later that day, a staff sergeant comes in, asking the barber to take a little bit off the sides. When the haircut was complete and the NCO reaches for his wallet, the barber again says: "No charge, sergeant. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, he is pleased to find an Air Force hat and a squadron coin by the door, with a thank-you note. Later that day, a colonel comes in, asking if the barber can do something to cover his bald spot. The barber obliges, and when it comes time to pay, he again says: "No charge, sir. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The barber comes to work the next day and finds on his doorstep... three more Air Force colonels.
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has 80.58 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: air force, mean, military, money, time
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 80.52 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
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has 80.45 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, family, Halloween, mean
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
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has 80.43 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: love, mean
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
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has 80.37 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, marriage, mean, sex
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair." As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
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has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: beauty, business, communication, customer service, mean
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 79.96 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
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has 79.91 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: management, mean, work
Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!" Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
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has 79.77 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar
My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat." "You're much bigger than that."
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has 79.75 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, mean
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