The best mean jokes

A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute!" That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."
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has 79.77 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, lawyer, life, mean
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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has 79.75 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar
Workplaces are like septic tanks: All the biggest lumps eventually rise to the top.
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has 79.35 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: management, mean, work
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
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has 79.24 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, mean, vulgar
Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!" Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
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has 79.21 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
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has 79.06 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: love, mean
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
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has 79.05 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair." As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
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has 78.92 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: beauty, business, communication, customer service, mean
I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
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has 78.87 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wife, wine
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
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has 78.61 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, family, Halloween, mean
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