The best mean jokes

Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!" Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
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has 79.00 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar
Three couples are having a picnic. One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey." The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar." Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
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has 78.92 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: couple, food, mean, men, vulgar
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
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has 78.88 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, marriage, mean, sex
There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, they must be punished for their arrogance.
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has 78.86 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: customer service, management, mean
A man was talking to his wife about going to the social security office. He said he would go the next day. So the next morning he goes but when he gets there he realized he forgot his license and she said that was fine she could tell his age by the hair on his chest. So he opened his shirt and everything went smoothly. He got home and told his wife what happened and she said: "well honey if you would have pulled down your pants you could have filed for disability."
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has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, mean, sex, wife
A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute!" That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."
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has 78.68 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, lawyer, life, mean
Q: Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors? A: So they can see the battlefield.
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has 78.34 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, mean, war
I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
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has 78.31 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wife, wine
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair." As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
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has 78.06 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: beauty, business, communication, customer service, mean
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
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has 78.03 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: life, mean
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