The best mean jokes

A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute!" That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."
Vote: has 83.29 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: christian, death, lawyer, life, mean
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
Vote: has 82.91 % from 64 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
Vote: has 82.81 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: love, mean, relationship
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
Vote: has 82.72 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, single, women
When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
Vote: has 82.72 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, mean
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
Vote: has 82.31 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, sport, wife
So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride. "Ma", he said to his Mother, "I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance." Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him. "It's that one", said his mother, without blinking an eye. "Holy cow", exclaimed David, "how in the world did you know it was her?" "I just don't like her", she replied.
Vote: has 81.83 % from 67 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, mean, mother in law, wedding
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
Vote: has 81.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, love, mean, wedding
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
Vote: has 81.26 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, they must be punished for their arrogance.
Vote: has 81.21 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: customer service, management, mean


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