I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, they must be punished for their arrogance.
When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
I never knew happiness till I got married. By then it was too late.
Susan's mother: "What are you doing on the top of that tree?" Susan: "Some boys are playing football their ball is fallen on the tree. They asked me to bring it." Susan's mother: "My dear , they only want to chech your pants." Susan: "Don't worry mam, I hav'nt put on my pants!"