A man has came over to his wife in a request. She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants. 3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history. At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.