The best mean jokes

When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
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has 81.58 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, mean
Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing." The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck". The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
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has 81.57 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, mean, vulgar, wife
A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute!" That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."
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has 81.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, lawyer, life, mean
There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, they must be punished for their arrogance.
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has 80.93 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: customer service, management, mean
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: couple, mean, women
The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
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has 80.46 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: management, mean, work
Q: What is a difference between "accident " and "tragedy"? A: Suppose you with the family are beside a pool. You suddenly push your mother in law into the pool - so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets out, in that case, it's a tragedy!
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has 80.38 % from 165 votes. More jokes about: family, life, mean, mother in law
So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride. "Ma", he said to his Mother, "I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance." Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him. "It's that one", said his mother, without blinking an eye. "Holy cow", exclaimed David, "how in the world did you know it was her?" "I just don't like her", she replied.
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has 80.34 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: family, mean, mother in law, wedding
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
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has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, sport, wife
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