The best mean jokes

My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
Vote:
has 82.81 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
Vote:
has 82.02 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, marriage, mean, money
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
Vote:
has 81.85 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
Vote:
has 81.85 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: communication, cop, mean, old people, vulgar
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
Vote:
has 81.83 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing." The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck". The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
Vote:
has 81.55 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, mean, vulgar, wife
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
Vote:
has 81.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: mean
I never knew happiness till I got married. By then it was too late.
Vote:
has 81.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage, mean, time
There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, they must be punished for their arrogance.
Vote:
has 81.21 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: customer service, management, mean
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
Vote:
has 80.52 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
<<<2345
More jokes →
Page 2 of 19.