The best mean jokes

Mum: "How would you describe me?" Dad: "ABCDEFGHIJK" Mum: "What does that mean?" Dad: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, funny, graceful, helpful, intelligent." Mum: "What about JK?" Dad: "Just Kidding."
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has 82.98 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, men, women
The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
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has 82.94 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: communication, cop, mean, old people, vulgar
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
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has 82.79 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, mean, wife, wine
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
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has 82.72 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, mean, money, women
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
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has 82.65 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: life, mean, men, women
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 82.56 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride. "Ma", he said to his Mother, "I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance." Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him. "It's that one", said his mother, without blinking an eye. "Holy cow", exclaimed David, "how in the world did you know it was her?" "I just don't like her", she replied.
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has 82.48 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: family, mean, mother in law, wedding
Workplaces are like septic tanks: All the biggest lumps eventually rise to the top.
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has 82.28 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: management, mean, work
Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing. "Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day." "That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?" "Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
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has 82.08 % from 442 votes. More jokes about: mean, music, time, wife, women
Q: What is a difference between "accident " and "tragedy"? A: Suppose you with the family are beside a pool. You suddenly push your mother in law into the pool - so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets out, in that case, it's a tragedy!
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has 82.06 % from 238 votes. More jokes about: family, life, mean, mother in law
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