The best mean jokes

A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
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has 83.08 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.
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has 82.69 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: customer service, health, mean
Q: What is a difference between "accident " and "tragedy"? A: Suppose you with the family are beside a pool. You suddenly push your mother in law into the pool - so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets out, in that case, it's a tragedy!
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has 82.63 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: family, life, mean, mother in law
Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing. "Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day." "That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?" "Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
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has 82.50 % from 428 votes. More jokes about: mean, music, time, wife, women
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
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has 82.14 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, marriage, mean, money
So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride. "Ma", he said to his Mother, "I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance." Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him. "It's that one", said his mother, without blinking an eye. "Holy cow", exclaimed David, "how in the world did you know it was her?" "I just don't like her", she replied.
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has 81.92 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: family, mean, mother in law, wedding
The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
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has 81.58 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: communication, cop, mean, old people, vulgar
The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
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has 81.40 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: management, mean, work
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
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has 81.40 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: mean
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 80.94 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
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