The best mean jokes

I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
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has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, sport, wife
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
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has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
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has 79.91 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
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has 79.52 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, mean, vulgar
An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut. After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay. "No charge, son" replies the barber, "Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, the barber finds a squadron T-shirt and a thank-you note left by his customer. Later that day, a staff sergeant comes in, asking the barber to take a little bit off the sides. When the haircut was complete and the NCO reaches for his wallet, the barber again says: "No charge, sergeant. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, he is pleased to find an Air Force hat and a squadron coin by the door, with a thank-you note. Later that day, a colonel comes in, asking if the barber can do something to cover his bald spot. The barber obliges, and when it comes time to pay, he again says: "No charge, sir. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The barber comes to work the next day and finds on his doorstep... three more Air Force colonels.
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has 79.46 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: air force, mean, military, money, time
Mum: "How would you describe me?" Dad: "ABCDEFGHIJK" Mum: "What does that mean?" Dad: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, funny, graceful, helpful, intelligent." Mum: "What about JK?" Dad: "Just Kidding."
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has 79.27 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, men, women
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
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has 78.55 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, mean, money, women
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, mean, wife, wine
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: life, mean, men, women
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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has 77.88 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
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