The best mean jokes

A man is watching TV supping the fourth can from his six pack. "Don't go", he suddenly yells at the screen. "Do not enter that building. Turn around and walk away. Aargh, you stupid man." His wife calls from the kitchen, "what on earth are you watching?" "Our wedding video," he bravely answers.
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has 81.11 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: beer, communication, mean, wedding
Workplaces are like septic tanks: All the biggest lumps eventually rise to the top.
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has 80.93 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: management, mean, work
The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: management, mean, work
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
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has 80.74 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, mean, money, women
An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut. After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay. "No charge, son" replies the barber, "Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, the barber finds a squadron T-shirt and a thank-you note left by his customer. Later that day, a staff sergeant comes in, asking the barber to take a little bit off the sides. When the haircut was complete and the NCO reaches for his wallet, the barber again says: "No charge, sergeant. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, he is pleased to find an Air Force hat and a squadron coin by the door, with a thank-you note. Later that day, a colonel comes in, asking if the barber can do something to cover his bald spot. The barber obliges, and when it comes time to pay, he again says: "No charge, sir. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The barber comes to work the next day and finds on his doorstep... three more Air Force colonels.
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has 80.63 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: air force, mean, military, money, time
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
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has 79.93 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, mean, vulgar
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
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has 79.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: mean
A man stumbles across an old lamp while he was at his attorney's office. Figuring his luck has to change, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. The genie explains to him that he gets three wishes, and whatever he wishes for, his wife gets double. The man asks for his first wish. "The first thing I want is a million dollars." The genie says, "Okay, but you know that your wife gets two million." The man said, "That's okay. My second wish is for a large house on a remote tropical paradise." The genie says, "Then your wife will have two beautiful houses." The man replied, "That's fine. Now for my third wish. I want you to beat me half to death."
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has 79.50 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: death, genie, mean, money, wife
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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has 79.34 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, wife, work
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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has 79.24 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar
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