The best mean jokes

An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.
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has 81.40 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: customer service, health, mean
I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
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has 81.25 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wife, wine
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 81.23 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
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has 81.22 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, marriage, mean, sex
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
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has 80.93 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: love, mean
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
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has 80.74 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, mean, vulgar
A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm Came up. They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside. The priest started a fire in the fireplace and found blankets and a sleeping bag but only one bed. The priest told the nun that she could sleep on the bed and he would sleep in the sleeping bag in the floor. As they were alone and beginning to get settled. The young nun said, "father?" in a song-song voice. He answered, "yes, sister?" "I'm cold." The priest got up and went to the closet and got another blanket and covered the nun. As he was settling back into his sleeping bag, she again said, "father?" "Yes, sister?" "I'm still cold." The priest got up and got another blanket from the closet and added it to the sisters' bed, tucking her in. He climbed back into the sleeping bag. Just as he was getting settled and the fire was crackling she called out to him again. "I'm still cold!" He said, "sister?" "Yes?" "We are all alone out here in this cabin in the mountains." "Yes, we are!" "Just this once... Yes? Just tonight... yes? Do you want to pretend that we are married?" "Oh yes! I do!" "Ok... get up and get your own dang blanket!"
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has 80.62 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, priest, weather
My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat." "You're much bigger than that."
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has 80.52 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, mean
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair." As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
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has 80.44 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: beauty, business, communication, customer service, mean
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