The best mean jokes

The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
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has 81.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: communication, cop, mean, old people, vulgar
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 80.94 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
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has 80.94 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, mean, money, women
An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut. After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay. "No charge, son" replies the barber, "Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, the barber finds a squadron T-shirt and a thank-you note left by his customer. Later that day, a staff sergeant comes in, asking the barber to take a little bit off the sides. When the haircut was complete and the NCO reaches for his wallet, the barber again says: "No charge, sergeant. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, he is pleased to find an Air Force hat and a squadron coin by the door, with a thank-you note. Later that day, a colonel comes in, asking if the barber can do something to cover his bald spot. The barber obliges, and when it comes time to pay, he again says: "No charge, sir. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The barber comes to work the next day and finds on his doorstep... three more Air Force colonels.
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has 80.87 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: air force, mean, military, money, time
Q: Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors? A: So they can see the battlefield.
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has 80.60 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, mean, war
I can't see the point of going to a lap-dancing club. If I wanted a woman who would take my money and sexually frustrate me, I would get married.
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has 80.48 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: marriage, mean, money, sex, women
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
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has 80.29 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, marriage, mean, sex
I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
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has 80.15 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wife, wine
There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, they must be punished for their arrogance.
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has 80.14 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: customer service, management, mean
My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat." "You're much bigger than that."
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has 79.95 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, mean
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